The right question

Note to self: 

You finally found a pet peeve that's more than just "bad drivers" or "popping knuckles" . . .

This is why asking me, "When are you planning on having kids?" is better than saying, "Don't have kids yet." And why "What are your plans for the future?" is even better. 

Being married is different than I expected in a lot of ways. Seriously, where's the handbook for this? But I thought I could expect one thing: everyone always asking me when we're going to have kids. 

That's what everyone always tells you to prepare for! I can't count the number of times I heard things like: "Just wait till you get married! You'll have everyone constantly asking you when you're going to have kids. It's the worst!" 

Well, it hasn't been quite like that. At least not for me. 

The majority of people who even bring up the topic of babies and children with me say something more along the lines of: 

"Don't have kids yet."

"Wait."

"You're not pregnant yet? That's so good!"

And, if I'm being honest, that's actually the worst. 

I feel like people kept getting so mad at others asking when they were going to have kids that all of society turned and now everyone thinks telling people not to have kids is the way to go. 

I kind of hate it. I know that some people are doing it because they just want to give advice that they wished they had received. Maybe they had kids super soon and regret not waiting longer. That's totally fine! But when we have kids is a choice that should be made only by my husband and I . . . and really you have no say in it. And if you tell me "don't have kids yet" I'm probably going to change the conversation because I'm super peeved but I know how to act civilized haha. 

SO. Here's why I would much rather you just ask when we're planning on having kids: 

When you ask something along the lines of, "When are you planning to have kids?", it opens up a conversation in which you acknowledge that this is our choice. It shows that you don't assume you know what's best for my family (which is exactly what it sounds like when someone tells me not to have kids yet). It lets me or my husband speak for ourselves. Honestly, making plans is one of my favorite things, and I have no problem talking through life plans with people. I think it's fun to share passions and ambitions and goals with friends! I won't be upset with you and think you're nosey (even though we're all nosey sometimes) and I won't tell you to mind your own business. I'll talk with you about the thoughts I have about bringing children into this world, like an adult. 

While asking me "when" is infinitely better than telling me "don't," asking "what" (as in "what are your plans") is even better. 

When you ask me "when" we're planning to have kids, you assume that we want to have kids (which, let's be real, there's a part of me that wanted a baby, like, yesterday) but not everyone plans to have kids! And that is their choice. That is OK. 

This is also a better question because it leaves it up to them whether they want to bring up having children or not. They may choose to tell you about career plans or buying a house or traveling . . . and if they don't bring up kids, you can respect it. This kind of question lets them tell you about the parts of their life that they think are important, instead of responding to the questions that someone else thinks are important. 

So, what I'm suggesting is that we stop telling people not to have kids and even stop asking when people plan to have kids. Instead, we should start asking people about their plans for the future. No assumptions. Just an open question that, I think, will open up amazing conversations. Conversations in which you learn so much about the other person. Where you can hear them talk about their passions, goals, and ambitions and see them light up. These are the kinds of conversations that we should be having with friends and family. To me, this is the right question. 

Maybe I'm an anomaly. Maybe I'm the only one who is peeved by this. If so, this is probably going to be an unpopular post! Haha. But I think this is important, so I decided to share it with all of you. 

And, for those of you who are now dying to ask me about kids or plans or anything of the sort, this is the only family I need right now :)  

(Apparently I'm throwing it back to Christmas because getting good pictures of all of us is near impossible haha)

But feel free to ask me about the future, anyway! I'd love to talk about life with you! :) 

Also, if you have any thoughts about this topic, I'd love to hear them! Comment below or shoot me an email! :)

This is why

Note to Self: 

This is one of the many reasons you've chosen him every day until now and will continue to choose him every day to come. 

Sometimes I sit and wonder how my husband and I ever came to be. I wonder this because if you knew us separately, you would wonder the same thing. Not because we don't make a good couple, but because we are quite different in a lot of ways.

I've had my whole life 'planned out' since the time I learned to think that far ahead, while Stefen loves spontaneity. I am the epitome of an overly anxious individual, while Stefen has this care-free, fun-loving personality. I'm a perfectionist (too much so) and he knows the value of making mistakes. I hate peanut butter and he loves it (gross). These are just a few of the differences we have, but it's the next one that I have been thinking about lately.

When the photographer says, "Pretend like I'm not here and just be yourselves," I look at him for ideas because I want the picture to be perfect . . . and without hesitation he tries to eat my whole face.

This is one of the many reasons why I choose him. Every day.

Because he brings out the silly in me. Because he cuts through the walls I've built. Because he knows how to make me laugh when that's the farthest thing on my mind. Because he never stops being himself. Because every day with him is an adventure that I never could have seen coming. Because, no matter what, I know that I can count on him.

He's a goofball, but he's my goofball. And while a previous self may have cringed at the thought of marrying someone who wasn't as 'serious' as I pretend to be, he is everything I need. I am so blessed to be his wife!