Wear the dang toga

Note to Self:

Wear the dang toga. 

It's just a short note today. And a note that probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me. So I'm going to try and give you a little insight:

It's my senior year in high school. I can't believe it's here already! But it is and I plan on making the best of it. At the beginning of this year I told myself that I wanted to do everything. I wanted to be on all the committees, go to all the dances, do the crazy things I wouldn't have a year or two ago. Senior year for me is about making memories that will last a lifetime because even though I'm excited for college, I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of this chapter of my life. 

In case my "note" seemed strange  what am I saying, of course it sounded strange  this week was Homecoming week at my high school: the first real chance I had to try out my new "do it all" attitude. So even though I didn't know how I was going to fit it into my schedule, I decided to be on the Homecoming committee. Best idea ever. I didn't get home until around 11 each night (with stuff I still needed to do) but it was so worth it. 

Among many meetings, events, and other things, the Homecoming committee (along with the entire school) was asked to wear togas this past Friday to go along with our Greek theme. About a third of the committee vetoed the idea and about... oh... 99.9 percent of the student body did as well. 

What did I do? I wore the dang toga. 

I can't tell you exactly why most people didn't participate. I can only tell you what I think. I think the majority  of people at my high school think they're too "cool" for it. I think another good portion of them don't want to look like freaks. There are probably a hundred more reasons as well, but like I said, I can only tell you what I think. 

And here's what I have to say to all those people:

WEAR THE DANG TOGA. 

You think you're too "cool"? To cool for what? School spirit? I say there's nothing wrong with school spirit. We're "stuck" at school anyway, we may as well have a good time and enjoy it!

You don't want to look like a freak? Honey, look around! We're all freaks whether we're wearing togas or not. "Freak" means "abnormal"... well what is normal? Can you honestly look at someone and say "Wow, they're normal"? And if you could, would you want to be like them and be just normal anyway? 

Look, this post isn't just about wearing a toga. I promise, I'm not that crazy. 

I was always the shy girl. The girl who would rather stay in at recess with the teachers than interact with the other kids. I followed every rule. I studied and got good grades. I wouldn't do anything adventurous because to me that meant either dangerous or illegal... or both. I wouldn't take risks. I was the good girl. And I never would have worn a toga to school. 

Well I've learned something. Not all rules are good. Not all risks are bad. Not everything adventurous is dangerous or illegal. And life is too short and too serious to not try and have some fun along the way. I'm not saying go do something stupid, or dangerous, or illegal because life is short. I'm not at all a fan of using YOLO (you only live once) as an excuse. I'm just saying we should have some fun. Good, clean fun. 

So next time life throws the opportunity your way, wear the dang toga. 

Go see them

Note to Self:

"When you know a friend is there you do not go to see him. Then he's gone and you blast your conscience to shreds that you did not see him." - East of Eden, John Steinbeck

GO SEE THEM. (Them being your long-lost friends.) Your conscience can't take any more "blasting" than you already give it. 

For AP Literature, we were assigned to read East of Eden by John Steinbeck over the summer. I assume only about half of the students actually read the entire 602 page book, but I was one of them. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed it! I actually learned a lot about myself and other people/things while reading it. I know, crazy right? 

I had a lot of favorite quotes and little things that hit home for me while reading this book. The quote above is one of those things. 

I can immediately think of at least a dozen people or friends who I didn't go see... friends who I still haven't gone to see. It's heartbreaking. Some of them have moved or moved on... and others are still here. I think about them often, but I never make any move towards talking to them or seeing them. Why? I don't think there's just one real reason.  

Maybe I'm afraid; afraid that we won't have anything in common anymore and wouldn't be friends now anyway. 

Maybe I'm "busy" or think that they'll be too "busy" to see me. 

But I think I know the main reason. I have very vivid memories with these people. These are the memories that I go back on when I'm sad and confused and lost... the memories that I cherish more than almost anything else. They're just silly little things that I'm sure I've glorified over time... but that's all I have. I don't want to think about the fact that things have changed. I don't want to accept the fact that we're growing up and even growing apart some. I want to keep them safe in my past and in my memories. 

And that is just stupid. I should still be making memories with these people! Not just reliving the ones in my head. 

 SO GO SEE THEM. ALL OF THEM. Talk to them, text them, hang out with them, write them letters, message them on Facebook... anything. You don't want to regret any missed chances. 

Just another little life lesson. 

You are alive

Note to Self:

You're alive. Be happy. :)

My account of the terrorist attack on the World Trade center, 11 years ago today:

September 11th, 2001,

I was only 6 years old and had just started first grade a couple weeks before. I woke up early and was eating breakfast and watching tv, waiting for my friend to come over (we carpooled). As he was being dropped off, all I really remember is parents running around and the channel being changed to the news. The next thing I remember from that day is sitting on the floor in Mrs. McGavin's first grade class and having a moment of silence. I didn't know what was going on. I was only 6 and no one really wanted us to know anything. All I really remember is that those few minutes of silence felt different than the more common ones we had had on occasion. 

That's all I know from that day. And for 9 years after I found out little more. The only thing I really remember is that each year on September 11th, we had that same moment of silence. I wish I could remember more... I wish I had been older and could have understood at least a little. But then again maybe I'm lucky... lucky that I was so young. I don't remember and can't recall any of the horrible details. 

Last year was the 10 year anniversary of the attack. It was a Sunday and I came home from church desperately wanting to understand what exactly had happened on that day 10 years before. All I had to do was turn on the tv. For the rest of the night I sat and watch documentary after documentary, setting aside all my "pressing" homework. I sat and watched and sat and thought. Finally I had some idea of what had happened. I say some idea because everything that happened is more than any one person can take in all at once. I don't think anyone can really understand everything that happened on that day. 

Every year since on September 11th we come together, put out flags, have moments of silence... but then the next day it seems as if it never happened. The same sense of unity that we felt on September 11th, 2001, should be felt every day throughout the country. I wish it was. Maybe someday we'll get there... or maybe not. But the only person I can really control is myself. 

We all have stuff going on in our lives... trials and struggles that we wish we didn't have sometimes. But hey... we're alive. Lots of people don't get the chance to see tomorrow, thinking about the disaster at the World Trade Center, and hearing the stories of the people and families reminds me of that. 

I'm alive. Why shouldn't I be happy? As each day comes to an end I pray and thank God for the opportunity I had to live another day. And, not to sound morbid, but if I wasn't going to see tomorrow, I'd like to think that today was the happiest day of my life. Sure, little stupid things happen to get on my nerves. But so what? I am alive. :)

So many people are fighting for and protecting this country. Our country. And some of them die every day protecting us. Many people died because of the attack on the World Trade Center, but many people were saved as well. These noble men and women are the reason we can live the way we do and the reasons we have the freedoms that we have. They are the reason we can live to see another day. 

These people are so appreciated but no level of appreciation would be enough. A great start would be to remember them and everything they do for us, not just on days like today, September 11th, but every day of the year. After all, they don't just protect us a few days out of the year... they are there for us every day of every year. So for any of you reading this who are soldiers, or firemen, or policemen, or doctors, or any of the thousands + people who help protect and take care of this country, or are a family member/friend of someone who is, THANK YOU. 

I'm sure this post, as well as many today, seems somber and even upsetting. But that's not my intent. We, as individuals and as a country, are still here today. Alive and fighting. And that's something to be proud of. Something to be happy about. 

So every day when you wake up, I challenge you to smile. Because you are alive. Be happy. :)

It's ok to miss

Note to Self: 

It's ok to miss. People, places, things... it's even ok to miss how things were. 

I miss all the time. Not 24/7 all the time, but often enough. I've moved from places. I've moved up through school. I've had friends move and move on. I've lost friendships and relationships. I've had family members die. And every once in a while... I really just MISS. But that's ok. No one expects me (or you) to be perfectly ok all the time. No one expects you to be able to move on and pretend like it never happened or like those people and times never existed. And if someone does expect that... well, I wish them luck. 

Missing something doesn't mean that you can't let go and you're "stuck in the past". Missing isn't bad. Missing shows that you recognize what you had. Missing shows that you've had good times, you've had good people in your life, and now you have good memories. It doesn't mean you won't have and make more... but just that you appreciate the ones you will always keep with you. 

People come and go. Time keeps ticking. Life goes on. Some people say we should "live in the moment" and "forget the past". Not me. The past is where I came from. It's where we all came from. It's made me who I am today and has shaped every part of my life. I've learned from things in my past and I continue to do so. I cherish every "mistake" I've ever made... and I don't live with regrets. I live with memories and lessons. 

Sometimes I have days like today. Nothing causes them... they just happen. I walk around, I work, I go to school, I socialize, and whatever else the day may bring. But the whole time, I'm thinking. I can picture things like they happened just yesterday. Playing made up games at the neighbors house, camping with an old friend, watching tv or playing blocks with my grandpas, my first day of school, my first kiss... anything and everything. And I miss it. I wish I could live those moments again. But at the end of a day like today, I look in the mirror. I am who I am because of everything that I've been through. Missing doesn't make me weak. It makes me stronger. Because when I look in that mirror and I see how far I've come and all the good times I've had... I also see how far I can go and all the good times to come.  

So it's OK to miss. Remember that. 

P.S. Not all of my notes will be so serious... pinkie-promise :)

Starting over

Note to Self:

Starting over isn't easy. It's hard. It's scary. It sucks. But look at the other option. Are you going to do the same thing  stupid or not  day after day? No. You're going to take each new day and start over. Start fresh. And eventually... someday... you're going be exactly where you want to be. You're going to be with exactly who you want to be with. You're going to do exactly what you want to do. And you're going to be exactly who you want to be. Hang in there.