Note to Self:
My "One Little Word" for 2013 has been Courage... and let me just say I had no idea on January 1, 2013 what this little word would come to mean to me. So, with the end of the year approaching, I better do a re-cap.
Wow. Is 2013 really almost over? That is crazy to me. As I was approaching 2013 I found the idea of having "One Little Word" to focus on instead of a bunch of resolutions. After much contemplation I finally chose my word. Courage was the word that kept coming back... almost like a bad penny. It seemed kind of silly to me at the time. Courage is one of those words everyone seems to think about all the time, and I wanted my word to be something more unique. But I just couldn't shake it. And honestly... that one little word has made all the difference in my life this year.
At the beginning of the year I set a few ideas of what this word would mean for me:
"2013 will be the year I had the COURAGE to:
- Stand up for myself and what I stand for
- Become the person I want to be
- State my opinion
- Stand out from the crowd
- Change my life for the better
- Take risks
- Stop being so afraid and start living instead
- Accept the changes that will inevitably come
- Make new friends
- Trust people
- Trust myself
- Be spontaneous
- Let go of expectations
And, above all, 2013 will be the year I have the courage to just be happy."
And really... I'm proud of myself. Have I slipped up? Absolutely. That doesn't change what I did manage to accomplish, though.
I stood up for myself and what I believed in on different occasions. One that many of my friends, at least from high school, will remember is my stance on our move into the new high school building. Though I may have been one of few who had such strong feelings... I made sure to make those feelings known. And maybe it didn't make a difference in the long run... but it made a difference to me. Because a year ago I wouldn't have had the courage to speak out at all. And though it may have seemed silly and even obnoxious to some... to me it was the push that I needed.
I took risks this year. I let go of my minor in photography to focus on what might be a better option for my future. Do I know where it's going to take me yet? No. Photography is what I love and what I'm comfortable with... but I took the risk anyway. I've taken other risks as well... and some I'm not quite so proud of. But I've learned from it all. Risks don't have to be a bad thing... you just have to have the courage to take a chance.
Make new friends. WOW. This was the one thing I was actually nervous about when I made the switch from high school to college this year. Not the grades or being away from home or the professors or finding a job... just making friends. I'm shy. At least more so than most. But you know what? I did it. I made friends this year. Yeah it's scary as heck to put yourself out there and try to talk to someone and get them to like you as person... but it just takes an ounce of courage to make all the difference.
Trusting people and myself is still hard for me. I did trust this year. More than ever. There were some instances where it came back to bite me... which inevitably made it harder to trust again. But I'm learning.
I tried not to be so afraid this year... I tried to be spontaneous and just live. IT'S HARD. At least for me because I always have everything very planned out and safe. It was so worth it though. I had some of the best experiences of my life because I learned to just let go... even for a moment and just be happy and let life happen. A good friend helped me a lot with that.
Having the courage to accept change has perhaps been the hardest thing. I knew a lot would change for me during 2013, but I never could have imagined just how much. This year I had my whole world turned upside down, just to have it ripped out from under my feet. Honestly this year has been terrifying. I have never had so much change before and in so many different ways and aspects of my life. But whenever it got hard I would think about courage. Just look down at the ring I bought myself to remind me, breathe, and tell myself that with just an ounce of courage I could get through it all. And I have.
The one that kills me is "become the person I want to be"... as if that could be accomplished in only a year! That's a lifetime journey! The concept was just to have the courage to become that person, though, which makes a difference. You can't possibly become the person you want to be if you're too scared to try, and before this year I think I was. I changed a lot this year... for the better and not so much, too. I'm no where near the person I really want to be... but like I said, it's a lifelong journey.
I'm sure much of what I've written seems really vague... and it is. I apologize. No one can possibly know everything that has happened in my life this year and so no one could understand just how much this one little word has meant to me. But I assure you... focusing on "courage" this year has changed my life. It helped with the big things like moving away to college and finding a job, but more often it was simply that little push I needed to get me through each day.
I never could have known what that word would come to mean to me.
Courage. Just one little word... seven little letters... but a world of difference.
