100 Days of Marriage

Note To Self:

Congratulations! You've made it through 100 days of marriage!

Something about 3-digit numbers make things seem legitimate, you know? Saying, "we've been married for 3 and half months" just doesn't have the same ring to it as, "we've been married for 100 days." So… yay! We've been married for 100 days! 

I'm sure people who have been married for years would laugh at being proud of only 100 days. Really, it's not a lot of time. It's what happens in those 100 days that really matters. I've learned more about my husband in the last 100 days than I think I did in the entire 365 days before that. I'm sure he's learned just as much about me. It's insane!

I've learned that when he says we're out of butter, there's probably still a full stick of butter left in the fridge. I've learned that his bedtime is typically way later than mine is. I've learned that chips and salsa is always the answer to "what do you want to eat?".

He's learned that when I say "No, I don't need to shower. I haven't gone to the gym and my hair still looks good" I mean that I am really not going to take a shower. I don't eat Ramen like soup, I drain most of the water so it's really just noodles. I also favor one side of my body (ex: I eat all the gross fruit snacks on the left side of my mouth and all the good fruit snacks on the right side). I'm weird and he's slowly learning that haha 

What else has happened in the last 100 days since we got married?

I have had people ask me, "How's married life?" WAY more than I did 101 days ago . . . haha probably more than 100 times, too. 

I gained another role. I'm all sorts of things! Daughter, sister, cousin, student, employee, etc. Now I've added "wife" to that list! It's crazy how much pressure I've put on myself because of that title. Now it feels like I have to be able to do everything . . . because that's what wives and mothers do, right? They know everything and are capable of everything. At least that's what it seems like when you're looking from the outside. When you're on the inside, though, it often feels like you don't know and can't do anything (at least that's my experience). I thank God every day for a husband who makes me feel like I'm good enough. 

On a similar note, I've tried to come up with every cute idea out there to implement in our marriage and life. I convinced Stefen that we needed to cut a piece off of the christmas tree so we could make it into an ornament and write "Our 1st Christmas" on it. 

For the last two day's I've been trying to figure out where I could buy a 100 pc puzzle for us to put together tonight  (100 days, 100 pieces, so cute, right?). Turns out when you don't think about it till Saturday and the event is on Monday, the only puzzles you can find are one of a frog and one with some StarWars character on it. Then I thought I could make my own puzzle! YEAH RIGHT! So I abandoned the puzzle idea… we'll try again at 500 days (500 pieces) or 1000 days (1000 pieces) haha 

Anyway! It's been a really good 100 days. Not easy, by any means, but good. I can't wait to spend many more days married to my wonderful husband :)

Most of my blog posts have a lesson or something . . . a "Note to Self." This one is a little different, I think. Maybe the lesson is to be proud of your accomplishments . . . like being married for 100 days and not killing each other yet! ;) haha

The Mormon Cliché

Note to Self:

Remember how you planned to go to school, date around, just have some fun? And then, you met him. And now you're a Mormon Cliché.

So . . . life happens. Last year when I went to college I was in a much different place than I am now. I was 18 years old, leaving home for the first time. I was leaving behind all of the people and things and places I knew, to completely start over. And I had a plan . . . well, I thought I did. 

Basically I was just going to go to school. Hopefully get a job just for some extra cash, but my scholarship covered almost everything. I just wanted to have a chill year, you know? Make some friends, go out on some dates, really just have a good time. I didn't want to get serious with anyone and there was NO WAY I was even going to think about getting married . . .

And now I've become a Mormon Cliché.

Here I am, 19 years old, a ring on my finger, and a wedding in 30 days. Yup. People think I'm crazy. To be perfectly honest, sometimes I think I'm crazy. Maybe I am, maybe we all are. Who can say what is crazy and what isn't? Don't worry, I won't get all philosophical (I wouldn't know how) but it's just a thought. 

Stefen and I are definitely crazy. Separate and most certainly together. I'll be the first to tell you that Stefen is not the guy I thought I was going to marry. Don't worry, I'm not going to cause marital strife before the marriage even begins by telling you this, because he'll admit that I'm not the girl he thought he was going to marry either. So, surprise! What's really crazy, though, is that we are exactly what each other needed. 

In a lot of ways we are very, very opposite. At the same time, we're the same in all the right ways. We balance each other out in so many aspects. And, most importantly, we are ourselves together. We have been from the beginning and that's what's gotten us this far. Stefen has broken down almost every wall I've ever built (and I've built a lot). He's seen me at my highest and my lowest for sure. As cliché as it sounds, he truly knows me better than I know myself. 

Don't get me wrong, some days he drives me insane and I know I frustrate him in ways I'm sure he never imagined possible. We disagree and have arguments. We are imperfect people. And that is OK. 

Almost a year ago I wrote a blog post about the kinds of boys you'll come across in your life: the good, the bad, and the ugly. And then, I added one more category:

"And that category is "him." And he's different. Because he's not going to be perfect . . . but he's going to be perfect for you. He's going to do things that drive you crazy. He's going to say things that you wouldn't believe. He's going to make you listen to his music in the car. He's going to like to do things that you may despise. But at the same time, he's going to be there for you in ways no one ever has before. He's going to somehow say and do all the right things when you need them. He's going to make you laugh and smile. He's going to be the reason for your good days and the one you go to on your bad days. He's the one who knows every little thing about you and will never take advantage of that. He'll be the one that when he leaves you miss him like crazy, but it still feels like he's there with you. He'll make you want to be a better you, and help you to do that. He'll support you in everything. He'll help you grow and learn. He'll watch chick flicks with you. And even better, he'll let you watch Bride Day on TLC. ;)

The hardest part about "him" though, is that he can change. Because we change. There can be a "him" at one point in your life and then you grow up and change and now "him" is someone else. But if this is true, then how do we ever find that special someone? I'll tell you what I believe:

I believe that someday you will find a "him" that is different from the other ones. This one is different in the way that when you change . . . you change TOGETHER. And in this way, he can be your "him" and you can be his "her" forever."

Ladies and gentleman, I know that I have found my "forever him," and I pray every day that I'm becoming the woman who deserves to be his "forever her." 

Maybe I am crazy to get married at 19 . . . but I've learned that crazy doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can be a completely wonderful adventure if you let it be. 

God has a plan and I know that this is part of His plan for me. I can't tell you why, but I can tell you how grateful I am. I can tell you how perfectly imperfect this last year has been. I can tell you that none of my plans worked out, and I am so happy that they didn't. Finally, I can tell you that I have no problem whatsoever being a Mormon Cliché.



THIS POST WAS INSPIRED BY KELSEY BERTEAUX'S ARTICLE: http://ldsliving.com/story/76536-married-at-19-worth-every-lost-experience

THANK YOU BETHANY FOR SHARING THIS WITH ME :)

ANOTHER GOOD ARTICLE BY A TEENAGE BRIDE: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-craig/what-i-gave-up-the-day-i-_b_5001583.html

God's plan and timing

Note to Self:

Trust in God's plan and in His timing. 

You'd think I would have learned this by now! And I guarantee I still haven't really learned it. Boo. In fact, this is something that I've touched on in a previous post: http://notetoselfcollection.blogspot.com/2012/10/make-goals-not-plans.html

The truth is, this concept is one of the hardest things for me to grasp. Truth? I HATE NOT BEING IN CONTROL. Control keeps me calm and makes me feel safe. Another truth? I am RARELY in control.  

**Spoiler Alert**

You can expect at least one more post about this type of thing in the future because I'm sure there's a lot of change coming in the next year or so. 

ANYWAY!

This summer I moved back home from school to save money (no rent), help my family move, and get summer job to help pay for school and everything else. So, for the last month or two, I've been looking for a job. What a fun ride that is, huh? One place never got back to me, another wasn't actually hiring, a third place hired someone before I could get away from school to apply. And each time I was just as disappointed. But I AM learning. Every night I added a new phrase to my prayers along the lines of: 

"Help me to be patient. If this job isn't what You have in store for me, I pray that I won't get it. I pray that I will be open to the opportunities that I trust you will give me. Help me to be humble to recognize when the right thing comes along and help me to recognize Your hand in my life." 

I am slowly learning and accepting that what God has planned for me is so much better than what I could plan for myself. And my summer job is just another example of this. 

A few weeks ago I applied to work for an organization called Rise. They work with a range of kids who need a little extra help - whether they have different mental or physical disabilities, or are in foster care, etc. After some help from my amazing friends/references, I got a call a few days later saying that I got the job. Today I finished my second training with them (it was "Western"themed . . . no big deal). And I can honestly say, before even my true first day on the job, that this is one of the best things that has happened to me. I'm sure I can't even imagine all of the blessings that will come from working with these kids and I cannot wait to do all that I can to be a blessing in their lives as well. 

The point is, this wouldn't have happened if I had gotten one of those other jobs. Working in a bakery, or an ice cream place, or whatever other typical "summer jobs" I could have found. But I trusted in God. I trusted that He had a better plan for me than I had for myself and that if I humbled myself enough to follow it, I wouldn't regret it. And I know that I won't. 

So, as hard as it is for me, I know that I need to trust in God's plan and timing. Because He knows me better than I know myself and He knows exactly what I need in my life. I struggle with this nearly every day, but it's something that I'm constantly working on. 

And whoever you are reading this, I know that He has a plan for you too. And it's amazing. And you have more potential than you could ever imagine. So trust in Him. His plan. His timing. It is so, so worth it. 

Sometimes there's nothing you can do

Note to Self:

Sometimes there really isn't anything you can do. And that just sucks. 

I'm a fixer. Either I fix things or I help other people fix things. That's just my mindset. Give me a problem and I'll figure out how to solve it. I guess that's the "engineer" in me--for those of you who don't know, my dad is an engineer and everyone expected me to follow in his footsteps. I hate engineering and math and science, but I'm fairly good at it. Anyway . . . I've always kind of made it my job to fix things. Somehow it seemed that I always attracted problems . . . whether it be things or people. And then I made it my job to do what I could to help out. And I love doing it. I'm going into psychology because I want to help people . . . and it's a psychologist's job to help people help themselves which is even better. 

Well, in the last couple years especially, I've learned that sometimes . . . there really isn't anything I can do. I can try and try and try again . . . but it doesn't make a difference. And that just sucks. 

Sometimes there isn't an answer. Sometimes two plus two just doesn't equal four . . . it just doesn't. Sometimes people need to figure it out on their own and any "help" you try to give them will really only do harm. And sometimes there's nothing anyone can do... it just is what it is. 

This has been one of the life lessons that's been the hardest for me to learn. . . but also one of the most rewarding. I used to beat my self up about not being able to help someone or fix something. And yeah, sometimes I still do. It still kills me to sit back and do nothing . . . but sometimes that's all you can do. 

Sometimes you have to sit on the sidelines. Be there in case the people you love come to you for help and give you something you can actually do. Sometimes you just have to sit on the sidelines, pray, and trust that God knows what he is doing. Trust that, somehow, everything will work out. 

I know this is short . . . and kind of vague. But I don't know what else to say.  I just feel like I needed to say this. Because it's something that I am personally working on learning . . . and I figure I can't be the only one. Thanks everyone! 

One Little Word - 2014

Note to Self:

Be honest. If you set resolutions . . . you're really just setting yourself up for disappointment. That's why I found One Little Word . . . 

For those of you who have been following my blog, I'd first like to apologize. I only made five posts last year . . . and that's pathetic! I'm going to try to do so much better this year. 

Last year I started a new New Year's tradition called "One Little Word." The idea came from a blog I found (http://www.lizlamoreux.com/be-present-be-here/a-word-to-guide-the-way.html) The original idea came from Ali Edwards (http://www.bigpictureclasses.com/onelittleword2013.php) and the idea is this:

"A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow. From my own personal experience, it can be a catalyst for enriching your life.

In 2006, I began a tradition of choosing one word for myself each January--a word that I can focus on, meditate on, and reflect upon as I go about my daily life. My words have included play, peace, vitality, nurture, story, light and up. These words have each become a part of my life in one way or another. They've been embedded into who I am, and into who I'm becoming. They've been what I've needed (and didn't know I needed). They've helped me to breathe deeper, to see clearer and to grow." - Ali Edwards

So for 2013 I gave it a shot. The word I chose was "courage". 

In my last blogpost I talked more about my experiences in 2013 as I focused on this One Little Word (http://notetoselfcollection.blogspot.com/2013/12/courage.html).

I went through a similar struggle choosing a word this year . . . but, like last year, there was one word that just stuck no matter how hard I tried to focus on other words to get a better idea. And the word is: 

Not "commit" as in "commit a crime" . . . although that would be funny if you knew me and how likely I am to commit a crime . . . haha 

I mean the commit as in pledge, bind, obligate, act, carry out, do . . . Commit. Committed. Commitment. 

I've never really thought of myself as someone who didn't do that . . . but it's the word that stuck. And as I thought about this word more and more the last couple days coming up to the new year, I realized that maybe I really could work on it more.  

Like last year, I really have no idea what 2014 will bring. After my experience this last year with One Little Word, though, I trust that somehow this word is exactly what I will need to get me through. 

Let this year be the year I commit to:

• School. Every class. Every assignment. No more half-a** work. 
• Friendships and relationships. Because they're worth it. 
• Family. Making them a priority no matter how far away I am.
• The Gospel of Jesus Christ. In everything that I do.
• My life. Living it the way that I believe I should. 
• Being happy. 

I've never been so excited to welcome in a new year before. In all honesty, 2013 was a really hard year. I'm sure many of you would agree. However, I learned and grew more than I knew I could. I'm proud of the things I've accomplished, but I know I have a long way to go. I pray that in 2014 I can continue to make progress and that I can make it a great year. Take each day at a time, because that's all we can do. 

I am committed to this year :) 

Want to join me this year with One Little Word? Comment and share your word or any experiences you've had with this in the past. I strongly believe in the effectiveness of this idea and I'd love to share it with more people :) 

Have a great year everyone! 

Courage

Note to Self:

My "One Little Word" for 2013 has been Courage... and let me just say I had no idea on January 1, 2013 what this little word would come to mean to me. So, with the end of the year approaching, I better do a re-cap. 

Wow. Is 2013 really almost over? That is crazy to me. As I was approaching 2013 I found the idea of having "One Little Word" to focus on instead of a bunch of resolutions. After much contemplation I finally chose my word. Courage was the word that kept coming back... almost like a bad penny. It seemed kind of silly to me at the time. Courage is one of those words everyone seems to think about all the time, and I wanted my word to be something more unique. But I just couldn't shake it. And honestly... that one little word has made all the difference in my life this year. 

At the beginning of the year I set a few ideas of what this word would mean for me:

"2013 will be the year I had the COURAGE to:

• Stand up for myself and what I stand for
• Become the person I want to be
• State my opinion
• Stand out from the crowd
• Change my life for the better
• Take risks
• Stop being so afraid and start living instead
• Accept the changes that will inevitably come
• Make new friends
• Trust people
• Trust myself
• Be spontaneous
• Let go of expectations 

And, above all, 2013 will be the year I have the courage to just be happy."

And really... I'm proud of myself. Have I slipped up? Absolutely. That doesn't change what I did manage to accomplish, though.

I stood up for myself and what I believed in on different occasions. One that many of my friends, at least from high school, will remember is my stance on our move into the new high school building. Though I may have been one of few who had such strong feelings... I made sure to make those feelings known. And maybe it didn't make a difference in the long run... but it made a difference to me. Because a year ago I wouldn't have had the courage to speak out at all. And though it may have seemed silly and even obnoxious to some... to me it was the push that I needed. 

I took risks this year. I let go of my minor in photography to focus on what might be a better option for my future. Do I know where it's going to take me yet? No. Photography is what I love and what I'm comfortable with... but I took the risk anyway. I've taken other risks as well... and some I'm not quite so proud of. But I've learned from it all. Risks don't have to be a bad thing... you just have to have the courage to take a chance. 

Make new friends. WOW. This was the one thing I was actually nervous about when I made the switch from high school to college this year. Not the grades or being away from home or the professors or finding a job... just making friends. I'm shy. At least more so than most. But you know what? I did it. I made friends this year. Yeah it's scary as heck to put yourself out there and try to talk to someone and get them to like you as person... but it just takes an ounce of courage to make all the difference. 

Trusting people and myself is still hard for me. I did trust this year. More than ever. There were some instances where it came back to bite me... which inevitably made it harder to trust again. But I'm learning.

I tried not to be so afraid this year... I tried to be spontaneous and just live. IT'S HARD. At least for me because I always have everything very planned out and safe. It was so worth it though. I had some of the best experiences of my life because I learned to just let go... even for a moment and just be happy and let life happen. A good friend helped me a lot with that. 

Having the courage to accept change has perhaps been the hardest thing. I knew a lot would change for me during 2013, but I never could have imagined just how much. This year I had my whole world turned upside down, just to have it ripped out from under my feet. Honestly this year has been terrifying. I have never had so much change before and in so many different ways and aspects of my life. But whenever it got hard I would think about courage. Just look down at the ring I bought myself to remind me, breathe, and tell myself that with just an ounce of courage I could get through it all. And I have. 

The one that kills me is "become the person I want to be"... as if that could be accomplished in only a year! That's a lifetime journey! The concept was just to have the courage to become that person, though, which makes a difference. You can't possibly become the person you want to be if you're too scared to try, and before this year I think I was. I changed a lot this year... for the better and not so much, too. I'm no where near the person I really want to be... but like I said, it's a lifelong journey. 

I'm sure much of what I've written seems really vague... and it is. I apologize. No one can possibly know everything that has happened in my life this year and so no one could understand just how much this one little word has meant to me. But I assure you... focusing on "courage" this year has changed my life. It helped with the big things like moving away to college and finding a job, but more often it was simply that little push I needed to get me through each day. 

I never could have known what that word would come to mean to me. 

Courage. Just one little word... seven little letters... but a world of difference. 

This moment

Note to Self:

Trust in this moment. 

For those of you who know me personally, you've probably discovered that "trust" isn't exactly in my vocabulary. I have a really hard time trusting . . . in other people, in myself, in anything. It's just the way I am. 

I'm almost done with my first semester of college and I've learned a lot more than I thought I would. Among the most important things I've learned, I've learned to simply trust in this moment. Right here. Right now. Trust in the moment you finish a test, even if you don't think you did well. Trust in the moment you say hi to someone new, even if they didn't say hi back. Trust in the moment you decide to stick it out at work, even if you're not sure why you haven't quit. Trust in the moment you register for next semester, even if you didn't get all of your first choice classes. Trust in the moment you let a guy sweep you off your feet, even if you're not sure where it's headed. Just trust in this moment. 

And you know what? It's terrifying. Sometimes it feels as if the moment I decide to trust is the moment I let go of my control. But the truth is . . .  it's going to be okay. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, even if you never find out what that reason is. If you put forth every effort you have . . . somehow everything will work out. 

This is a confusing time in life (as if any time isn't lol). And now is when I've realized that I really don't know anything. At all. What a blow that is after our all-knowing teenage years! And not knowing what's coming scares me more than almost anything. I mean how can you prepare for something you know nothing about? By trusting. 

Trust that, in this moment, you are headed in the right direction. 

Trust that, in this moment, you have people who love you and want to help.

Trust that, in this moment, you have endless opportunities.

Trust that, in this moment, you can be happy. 

This moment is all we have. The past is gone and the future isn't here yet. So trust in this moment. This small little blip in time. And while we're at it, in this moment . . . live. :)