This moment

Note to Self:

Trust in this moment. 

For those of you who know me personally, you've probably discovered that "trust" isn't exactly in my vocabulary. I have a really hard time trusting . . . in other people, in myself, in anything. It's just the way I am. 

I'm almost done with my first semester of college and I've learned a lot more than I thought I would. Among the most important things I've learned, I've learned to simply trust in this moment. Right here. Right now. Trust in the moment you finish a test, even if you don't think you did well. Trust in the moment you say hi to someone new, even if they didn't say hi back. Trust in the moment you decide to stick it out at work, even if you're not sure why you haven't quit. Trust in the moment you register for next semester, even if you didn't get all of your first choice classes. Trust in the moment you let a guy sweep you off your feet, even if you're not sure where it's headed. Just trust in this moment. 

And you know what? It's terrifying. Sometimes it feels as if the moment I decide to trust is the moment I let go of my control. But the truth is . . .  it's going to be okay. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, even if you never find out what that reason is. If you put forth every effort you have . . . somehow everything will work out. 

This is a confusing time in life (as if any time isn't lol). And now is when I've realized that I really don't know anything. At all. What a blow that is after our all-knowing teenage years! And not knowing what's coming scares me more than almost anything. I mean how can you prepare for something you know nothing about? By trusting. 

Trust that, in this moment, you are headed in the right direction. 

Trust that, in this moment, you have people who love you and want to help.

Trust that, in this moment, you have endless opportunities.

Trust that, in this moment, you can be happy. 

This moment is all we have. The past is gone and the future isn't here yet. So trust in this moment. This small little blip in time. And while we're at it, in this moment . . . live. :)

"Him"

Note to Self:

There's the good, the bad, and the ugly . . . and then there's him. 

Into my fifth week in college and well . . . it's certainly no piece of cake. School, work, friends, roommates, boys . . . and you're thrown into it all at once. I'm sure I'll do posts about some of those other aspects in the near future, but for right now I've gotta talk about the boys. 

Of course there are the "good" guys. The guys who hold open doors for you. They talk with you and sincerely listen. They get good grades and maybe they even go to church. They seem to be perfect. And you know . . . there really are a lot of these guys if you look for them. 

Then there are the "bad" guys. The ones who break all the rules and never go to class. The ones who do anything and everything because they just don't care and they want to be "cool." 

And then there are the "ugly" guys. No not physically, I'm talking about the guys who really just have ugly personalities. The guys who don't have any respect for anyone. The guys who treat girls like property and worse. The guys who treat other guys like dirt, too. These are also the guys who are complete morons and think that telling a girl they want to go watch porn is going to help them out . . . Yes, this idiot exists. LOL 

I've only been in college for four weeks and I've already met all three kinds of guys. Many times over. And the thing is, in college we're all getting to the point in our lives when we're looking for that special someone, you know? And honestly the prospects don't always look that great haha it's just the ugly truth. But out of these guys, obviously it's the good guys that you want. How could you ask for more? 

But you know what? You can. Because there's one more category. And that category is "him." And he's different. Because he's not going to be perfect . . . but he's going to be perfect for you. He's going to do things that drive you crazy. He's going to say things that you wouldn't believe. He's going to make you listen to his music in the car. He's going to like to do things that you may despise. But at the same time, he's going to be there for you in ways no one ever has before. He's going to somehow say and do all the right things when you need them. He's going to make you laugh and smile. He's going to be the reason for your good days and the one you go to on your bad days. He's the one who knows every little thing about you and will never take advantage of that. He'll be the one that when he leaves you miss him like crazy, but it still feels like he's there with you. He'll make you want to be a better you, and help you to do that. He'll support you in everything. He'll help you grow and learn. He'll watch chick flicks with you. And even better, he'll let you watch Bride Day on TLC. ;)

The hardest part about "him" though, is that he can change. Because we change. There can be a "him" at one point in your life and then you grow up and change and now "him" is someone else. But if this is true, then how do we ever find that special someone? I'll tell you what I believe:

I believe that someday you will find a "him" that is different from the other ones. This one is different in the way that when you change . . . you change TOGETHER. And in this way, he can be your "him" and you can be his "her" forever.

I've had "hims" before. I have a "him" now. . . and I don't even pretend to know yet if he is the "him." And that's okay because I know that someday I will know. And when that day comes all of this unknown will be worth it. Someday I will find my forever "him." And until then I just have to be the best that I can be to deserve being his "her."

So, all my single ladies . . . stay strong. Stay true to yourself and your values and what you want. Because there are a lot of dirtbags out there who will make you think you don't deserve any better . . . but don't get discouraged. There's also "him." :) 

Storms are beautiful

Note to Self:

When it rains, it pours. But sometimes storms are beautiful.

Where I live it has stormed almost everyday for about three weeks . . . and I've loved every second of it.  I love standing in the rain and feeling the constant pound of water droplets on my skin. I love feeling the thunder as it seems to shake every part of me. I love watching as the lightning lights up the entire scene as if it were the middle of the day. To me, it's beautiful. 

But thunderstorms aren't the only kind of storms, are they? Sometimes there are personal storms: life storms. There are moments when everything seems to come at you all at once. Maybe you realize that life after high school isn't so easy. Maybe you start to see all of the things that your scholarship DOESN'T pay for. Maybe you realize that soon you'll be in a completely new place with no familiar faces. Maybe you haven't seen your dad in over two weeks. Maybe your best friend is leaving. Maybe you're scared out of your mind. But you know . . . sometimes storms are beautiful. 

When trials come one by one it's easier to get through them and I am SO grateful for those times. But the times when I've learned and grown the most are the times when the trials have been piled on a mile high. And to me, those times are beautiful. 

In the moment, it sucks. A lot. Saying goodbye is horrible. Getting hurt . . . well, it hurts. Crying yourself to sleep is not fun. 

Then you wake up. 

And it's not true what they tell you . . . just because it's a new day doesn't mean it's going to be an easier day. But waking up you do realize how good it felt to just let it out . . . to cry and let that storm come. Maybe the storm will last longer than you hoped or longer than you feel you can take, but you can make it to the end. You don't have to get out and dance in the rain of your life storm. You don't have to enjoy every second of it. 

The tears and the hurt are there to help you know you're alive. Isn't it true that sometimes when we're happy we feel like it's all a dream? These storms that come, they're there to bring you back down to earth and to teach you what life is really all about. It's about learning and overcoming and growing. And someday you'll see that rainbow. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next week. But it will come. 

Life is full of storms and rainbows. Your life is a fairytale . . . a perfect story with tragedy and happiness strung together in all the right places. And, as in every fairytale, someday you will have your happily ever after. 

My life hasn't been completely tragic and it sure hasn't been perfect either. But it's my life. Sometimes I have to go through hard things. And even though it can be hard to see in the moment, I really believe that those hard things--those storms--are beautiful. They shape every part of who I am now and the person I am trying to become. Without them I just wouldn't be me, and even though I know I'm not perfect . . . I'm pretty happy with the person I'm becoming. :)

So yeah . . . when it rains, it pours. But I believe those storms are beautiful. 

P.S. If I sound "preachy" at all, just know that when I say "you" I'm really talking to myself as well. So if I'm "preachy" I'm really just preaching to myself . . . haha 

One Little Word - may it be a great year

Note to Self: 

Resolutions are easy to make, easy to forget about, and hard to keep. Maybe this is the year to forget resolutions and think, instead, about One Little Word. 

As 2012 came to an end, I began to think about resolutions. Every year I make them, and every year I'm a little disappointed by the progress (or lack of) that I made. Overall, 2012 was a good year and the resolutions I made back in January were ones that I was able to keep up with; ones that changed my life. I know I could have done better, though. 

This year I came across a blog post (http://www.lizlamoreux.com/be-present-be-here/a-word-to-guide-the-way.html) and found the idea for One Little Word. The original idea came from Ali Edwards (http://www.bigpictureclasses.com/onelittleword2013.php) and the idea is this:

"A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow. From my own personal experience, it can be a catalyst for enriching your life.

In 2006, I began a tradition of choosing one word for myself each January--a word that I can focus on, meditate on, and reflect upon as I go about my daily life. My words have included play, peace, vitality, nurture, story, light and up. These words have each become a part of my life in one way or another. They've been embedded into who I am, and into who I'm becoming. They've been what I've needed (and didn't know I needed). They've helped me to breathe deeper, to see clearer and to grow." - Ali Edwards

Honestly, I thought the idea was brilliant. So, for 2013, I've decided to go along for the ride. 

For those of you who know me, you know that I love words. I keep a journal, I write stories and poems and all my little "Note to Self"'s. That's a lot of words! I thought choosing my OLW (one little word) would be a simple task. I was wrong. 

I began by just jotting down significant words that popped into my head. Some of the first were "begin", "chance", "think", "trust", and "do". This list soon turned into a list of 33 words that I had found some sort of significance in. And, with this list, I was no closer to my goal of ONE. I started to define each word and find synonyms (which ultimately led to more words). After I had defined them all, I started crossing them out. I took each word one by one, trying to find the one that meant the most to me.

Finally I had reduced the list to three words. Change. Become. Courage. 

This was when it got really tough. I went through moments when I believed each of those words would be perfect. Then I noticed that while I thought of each word, one of the three appeared in every thought. 

After a long process I finally found my word for 2013:

2013 will be the year I had the courage to:

• Stand up for myself and what I stand for
• Become the person I want to be
• State my opinion
• Stand out from the crowd
• Change my life for the better
• Take risks
• Stop being so afraid and start living instead
• Accept the changes that will inevitably come
• Make new friends
• Trust people
• Trust myself
• Be spontaneous
• Let go of expectations 

And, above all, 2013 will be the year I have the courage to just be happy. 

I have no idea where this OLW will take me throughout the year. I don't know what it will teach me, but I'm ready to find out. 

What's your One Little Word? 

May this be a great year! 

Better not to ask

Note to Self:

Sometimes I wonder what this world is coming to . . . and then I realize it's probably better not to ask. 

As part of my daily internet surfing, I made my way over to yahoo.com this afternoon. Here are some stories that blew my mind. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did! . . . or didn't. 

1. A gingerbread reenactment of "The Hunger Games":  

http://vimeo.com/55319569

2. Baby named "Hashtag" (plus other unusual names of the year):

 http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/most-unusual-baby-names-2012-201000510.html

3. Meggings. Male Leggings. Yeah, I wish I was joking too:  

http://shine.yahoo.com/the-thread-how-to/meggings-male-leggings-wearing-them-185200978.html

We live in a very special place boys and girls . . . where those things really do exist. Aren't we so lucky? 

Moral of the story? Things are going downhill. Enjoy your brain cells and high IQ scores while you still can! And remember . . .  it's best not to ask why. Just walk away. 

Traditional vs. online schooling

Note to Self:

We are blessed with a life full of amazing technology, but it's best not to forget the fundamentals.

With all of the technology available to us today, we have many opportunities to take classes online. While online schooling has its advantages, I believe in a more traditional route. People today are slowly growing accustomed to technology and forgetting the fundamentals that our society was based on; such as human interaction, responsibility, and punctuality.

If you asked me whether I would rather talk with someone on the phone or text them, I would choose the latter. If you told me I had to get a message to someone in person, I may argue that it would be easier by email or some social networking site. Is it because I am incapable of interacting with people? No. It’s simply because I’ve been raised in a generation where I don’t have to. This is just one problem that I’m referring to.  

Though the change that comes with technology is inevitable, a traditional school setting gives children and young adults the opportunity to have some practice in human interaction before they are sent out into the “real world” of adulthood. School gives students a chance to meet new people and learn how to cooperate with them. I believe that these years in school and these lessons are crucial to a person’s progress in society.

Besides human interaction, traditional schooling offers lessons in responsibility and punctuality that are not required with the flexibility of online classes. Online it’s easy to be inefficient and careless, a traditional school setting requires students to be more accountable for their choices and actions.

I’m not saying online schooling is all bad. I’ve taken a class or two online, myself. I do believe, however, that traditional schooling is the way to go, especially since many other aspects of our lives are so technologically driven.



P.S. This post was for a scholarship (which it turns out I can't apply for anyway).  But, instead of taking down the post, I'm going to leave it up. I really do believe everything I said. :)

Stand up

Note to Self:

You're never going to regret standing up for yourself, your morals, and what you believe to be right. 

We are all different with our own beliefs and opinions. We all have varying morals; that is to say, what seems wrong to one person may not seem wrong to another. To a point, we have to respect these differences. But from my experience, if you see something that goes against what you believe in, STAND UP. Don't sit back and watch it happen. 

Today at a church meeting, I witnessed something that caused me to stand up. 

A lovely family in my ward, with four beautiful children, was seated in the row behind me. I know the family pretty well and let me tell you, these are great kids. They are kids just the same, however, and it's asking a lot for them to sit completely still and quiet through a whole meeting. We've all been there. These sweet kids were walking around their row, talking quietly to each other while they tried to keep themselves occupied. Of course I could hear them, but it didn't bother me as I was able to intently listen to the speakers.

A man two seats down from me, however, was not having the same experience and was thoroughly annoyed by these children and continually turned around to tell them to be quiet. At one point during the final speaker's remarks, he turned around and nearly yelled at one of the children, "I have had enough of this. Sit down and SHUT UP." The little boy turned, walked over to his mom, asked her what the man had said to him, and quietly cried as she answered. 

I strongly believe I'm not the only one who sees a problem with the situation I just described. Were the children talking? Sure, anyone would admit that they were.But even if you were seated near them, if you tried at all to pay attention to the speaker, you would find that the children did not take away from the Spirit or meaning of the message. The speakers words could be heard clearly throughout the room, and the children did not change that. 

After the meeting ended, I stood up and quietly glanced over at the man. He had stood as well and was glaring back at the children. I took a deep breath and stated firmly, "What you said to those kids was uncalled for. There was no reason for you to do that." As soon as I had finished speaking, his glaring eyes turned towards me as he furiously replied, "No. What those kids were doing was uncalled for." At that moment I knew that nothing I said would change his mind, but I wasn't about to let him get the better of me. As I gathered my thoughts other men and woman who had witnessed the same thing, stood up with me and expressed their disappointment in his actions. The man retreated and the rest of us helped the confused and upset children out of the building. 

Perhaps that man learned nothing from the meeting today. Clearly he wasn't listening to the speakers who, ironically, were talking about how we should be more Christ-like and kind to others. Perhaps he will continue to do the same thing down the road. And perhaps there's nothing I, or anyone else, could do or say to change that. But standing up for what I thought was right today, is something I will never regret. I'm sure those who stood up with me feel the same. 

There have been times in my life when I haven't stood up. I've sat back and let it all happen. And even though some of those times are long past, I still regret doing nothing. Because, at the end of the day, I could have made a difference if I had tried. Maybe that man will think twice next time he turns to yell at a child and maybe I helped make that difference in his life. Even if I didn't and even if he wont, I don't regret a thing I said or did. I know that I was standing up for what I believed to be right. I always want to be able to stand up, no matter the situation. 

I know we all have different ideas, values, morals, beliefs, and everything else . . . but even though they may conflict each other at times, I hope that all of you (whoever is reading this) will stand up for what you believe in too.

You can make a difference. Just stand up and try. :) 

"All that is necessary for the triumph of  evil is that good men do nothing." 

- Edmund Burke